By Pastor Thomas C. Davis

Texts:

Genesis 29: 15-28 (New English Bible)

Laban said to Jacob, ?Why should you work for me for nothing simply because you are my kinsman? Tell me what your wages ought to be.' Now Laban had two daughters: the elder was called Leah, and the younger Rachel. Leah was dull-eyed, but Rachel was graceful and beautiful. Jacob had fallen in love with Rachel and he said, ?I will work seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.' Laban replied, ?It is better that I should give her to you than to anyone else; stay with me.' So Jacob worked seven years for Rachel, and they seemed like a few days because he loved her. Then Jacob said to Laban, ?I have served my time. Give me my wife so that we may sleep together.' So Laban gathered all the men of the place together and gave a feast. In the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and Jacob slept with her. At the same time Laban gave his slave-girl Zilpah to his daughter Leah. But when morning came, Jacob saw that it was Leah and said to Laban, ?what have you done to me? Did I not work for Rachel? Why have you deceived me ?' Laban answered, ?In our country it is not right to give the younger sister in marriage before the elder. Go through with the seven days' feast for the elder, and the younger shall be given you in return for a further seven years' work. Jacob agreed, and completed the seven days for Leah.

Colossians 3: 11-14

There is no question here of Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave freeman; but Christ is all, and is in all. Then put on the garments that suit God's chosen people, his own, his beloved: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience. Be forbearing with one another, and forgiving, where any of you has cause for complaint: you must forgive as the Lord forgave you. To crown all, there must be love, to bind all together and complete the whole.

Sermon Text

On a recent visit to our grandkids we arrived while the younger child was still napping. Meanwhile, Alice and I were having a grand time with his big sister, reading books, drawing on her chalk board, and just generally giving her all the attention she could soak up--which is considerable. But then, her little brother woke up. Greta could sense that the spotlight on her was about to fade. As her mom brought her brother into the room, our granddaughter wilted and sulked. If we had asked her what was wrong, I'm sure she wouldn't have been able to say. Sibling jealousy is often obvious to onlookers, but invisible to the one afflicted. It is deep and slippery, and difficult to dislodge.

In counseling I have met adults still stewing in childhood resentments. "Mama always did love her more," one will say. Or, "He was dad's favorite, and nothing I could do was ever good enough," says another. Such confessions are hard to cough up, for acknowledging jealousy makes one feel even smaller, when feeling too small is already the problem.

I have learned not to try to argue with wounded folk, to try to show them that their complaints are--if they would just look deeply enough--unreasonable, for often the complaints are quite reasonable. Even very good parents sometimes do have favorite children, and despite their best efforts to be impartial and fair to all their offspring, it's difficult for them to completely hide their unequal affections.

The passage about Leah and Rachel put me onto this subject of family favorites. Leah and Rachel were rival wives, of course, not sibling rivals. But the emotional dynamic between them reminded me of other family spats in the book of Genesis, spats involving husbands and wives and siblings. The family relationships in the stories differ, but there is a common complaint running through them all, namely: I have not been treated fairly. I have not received my fair share of love.

The complaint starts with Cain. God approves of his brother, Abel's, sacrifice, but not his own. Hurt and jealous, Cain murders his brother.

Then, there's the story of Abraham and his wife, Sarah, and her handmaid, Hagar. You remember that story: Sarah is barren, so she suggests to her husband that he could have a child by Hagar instead. She gives Hagar to him as a concubine and Hagar does conceive at once, which makes her uppity, and Sarah furiously jealous. Then, when Hagar bears a son named Ishmael, Sarah banishes both to the wilderness, hoping to kill them. But God rescues Hagar and her baby, and gives a blessing to Ishmael similar to that given to Abraham: that he will be the father of a very, very large family.

Sarah's barrenness doesn't persist. She has a child with Abraham in their old age, a child named Isaac. There is a story about Isaac that reminds me of today's story about Jacob, because it also involves trickery. When Isaac was very old, he meant to give his inheritance to his elder son, which was the custom. He had two sons, twins, Jacob and Esau. Esau was the first born son, so his father's estate was due to come to him. But?and here comes the family favorites theme--the mother of these twins preferred the second-born one, Jacob. So, she schemed with Jacob to trick his father into giving him the estate instead of his brother. You remember the rest of the story: The old man was nearly blind, but he knew his sons by their feel, for Esau was "an hairy man," and Jacob was smooth. Rachel had Jacob put animal skins on his forearms, which fooled the old man. He gave his blessing and his estate to the son whom he thought was Esau, but in fact, was the second born, Jacob.

God has a way of getting back at a smarty pants. Let's watch Jacob get what's coming to him. Jacob goes off with his father's money to make a career for himself in a far off place, but he needs a wife out there and he doesn't want to wed one of the locals (again, family favoritism is in play) so he goes to his Uncle Laban, who has two daughters, Rachel and Leah. Leah is mousy, but Rachel is a babe. You can guess which he prefers. Ah, but the clever guy who made a fortune for himself by trickery is about to be tricked. Uncle Laban is not so soft on this boy as his sister, Rachel, was. Nor does he want to see Leah go wanting for a husband. So, on the night Jacob is supposed to consummate his marriage with Rachel, Laban brings him Leah instead. Jacob who got his older brother's birthright by deceit in darkness is himself tricked by deceit in darkness; and when he complains, Laban says, "Around here we don't give the second born in marriage until the first born is seen to." Touch�! So, the second born twin who illicitly stepped ahead in line must now wait his turn.

When you drink the whole book of Genesis with one gulp you realize that playing favorites enables people to take advantage of others for just so long. God has ways of evening the score, of giving back to losers what was first denied them.

Of course, this is not an adequate response to modern people who have suffered from family favoritism. The payback for injustice is not always to the aggrieved themselves; nor do tricksters and tyrants always get the punishment due them, despite what some psalmists have written. Sometimes those who have been denied their fair share of love cannot rightly be consoled by assuring them that things will be set right. Many an unloved child lives to old age and dies without ever getting the love he or she wanted and deserved. Such is life. The good are not always rewarded. The forlorn are not always recompensed. Justice sometimes ripens too slowly for the living to taste the proceeds.

So, what to do then, if you have been cheated, if the game of family favorites has not been in your favor? You may never get what you want and deserve. What then? Must you stew in the juices of your resentment? Listen to the good news about life in the spirit of Jesus. Paul said to the Christians in Colossae, who were suffering because of the old, old, game of favoritism:

"There is no question here of Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave freeman; but Christ is all, and is in all. Then put on the garments that suit God's chosen people, his own, his beloved: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience. Be forbearing with one another, and forgiving, where any of you has cause for complaint: you must forgive as the Lord forgave you. To crown all, there must be love, to bind all together and complete the whole.

I have a friend who has shared her life story in Bible study. She has been deeply wounded, abandoned and mistreated. She did not get the early love she wanted and deserved. For a long time she didn't realize the depth of her wounds, nor the way that resentment was holding her back from experiencing joy. But forgiveness finally set her free. She was able to forgive a significant person in her life who continues to deny her the love she wants and deserves. This is what Paul was talking about: the inestimable worth of patience and forbearance and forgiveness. We are not doomed to stew in our own juices of resentment. There is another way, the way of Jesus, which grants release of spirit even to those who won't see justice. Thanks be to God for that release, and the joy that goes with it!